You are mid-conversation planning your next weekend getaway and your partner is telling you about a great new restaurant that he would like to check out. Without even realizing it, you grab your phone, open Instagram, and start scrolling.
Your intention was probably to find the restaurant’s account, but before you get there you start scrolling.
Scrolling through babies, vacations, meals, gym selfies….
“What were we talking about again?”
How do you think your partner is feeling right now?
Is he grabbing for his phone too?
You may not think of this as a rejection - but it is.
This type of rejection is not done with the intention of making your partner feel dismissed or ignored, but it does.
These small, frequent, and toxic micro rejections have a negative compounding impact over time. They are often mindless and could (almost) coast under the radar. You may be familiar with some of these:
>> You grab your phone to quickly respond to a text while speaking with your partner.
>> Your partner checks his email as you’re trying to debrief him about your day.
>> You come in from work to see the back of your partner’s iPhone, rather than a six-second kiss.
Seeing a pattern?
Though not your intention, the message these scenarios send out is: I’m choosing my phone over you. I’m choosing social media over you. This is more important to me.
This type of micro rejection tends to become two-sided. We feel unimportant as our partner’s eyes are glued to his phone, so we pick up ours. Tit for tat. This causes a destructive and disconnected pattern in a relationship, which can make it feel unsafe to have vulnerable conversations that require us both to be truly present.
This destructive pattern can, with a little mindfulness and consistency, be broken and you and your partner can feel more present and connected.
This week, we’re talking about:
- How to detect micro rejection
- What causes micro rejection
- How micro rejection impacts your relationships
- How to prevent micro rejection
- How to reset this pattern in your relationship
We’ve also got a practical and powerful bonus for you - Top 10 Tips for Preventing Micro Rejection - to help you curb this destructive pattern in your relationship, be more mindful or your social media and cellphone use, and be more present and connected with your partner.
Short on time? Here’s a list of today’s topics and when to listen:
- What is micro rejection? - 1:54
- What causes micro rejection? - 3:25
- How micro rejection impacts your relationship- 11:34
- How to prevent micro rejection - 15:32
- What to do if this is the pattern you’re seeing in your relationship - 19:28
- Meredith + Marina’s Takeaways - 23:17