You love your partner, obviously. And you’re pretty sure they love you too, most of the time. But what about those moments where they don’t seem to like you? You know… their tone is harsh, they seem impatient, and it appears any request you make is bothering them.
These interactions are no big deal in a healthy, secure relationship. However, if they occur often enough and in combination with other stressors, they can lead to a cascade of negativity.
The more of these small moments of annoyance or disconnect we experience with our partner, the more we come to expect them. And the more we come to expect them, the more we look for (and find) negativity.
Guess what our automatic response is to perceived or anticipated negativity from our partner?
Defensiveness. Or criticism. Or both.
If you listened to episode 4 (link), you know these are two of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (thanks, John Gottman) and they are damaging to relationships. You want to minimize or eliminate these types of communication with your partner. That’s hard to do when you often see your partner being annoyed with you.
Check out this week’s episode where we’re talking about how these interactions start and snowball into the new “normal” way of relating to each other, the risk of not making changes, and specific strategies for getting your relationship back on track, so you and your partner “like” one another again.