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SGR 009: Why Happy is Overrated

August 31, 2017 Marina Voron
EPISODE 009 THUMBNAIL.jpg
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One of the hardest things to go through in a relationship is having to see our partner sad, anxious, or depressed. Our first instincts are often to:

Cheer them up.

Make them happy.

Show them the glass is half full.

Although you have the best intentions, trying to make your partner happy in those moments can work against you. It may make them feel dismissed, disregarded, not attuned to, and that their feelings are not acknowledged.

Maybe you’ve even heard your partner say this in response to your attempts to brighten their mood.

It’s normal to feel defensive.

“Hey, I’m trying to help here! Don’t lash out at me just because you’re upset with ________.”

Managing tough emotions in this way leads to more distance, reduced emotional intimacy, and  not viewing each other as sources of support in times of challenge.

It’s not always easy to give your partner the space to talk about their hard feelings and validate what they’re going through - because it brings up those same hard feelings in us.

You may feel helpless, hopeless, or unloved.  

This week we’re talking about:

  • What makes it hard to see your partner upset

  • Your role when your partner is experiencing difficult emotions

  • The value of allowing your partner to go through their emotional process

  • Practical tips for being supportive when your partner is going through hard emotions

We’ve also got a very helpful bonus - The Guided Journal Entry to Manage My Own Hard Emotions - to help you move from well-intentioned, yet ineffective, to supportive and connected.  

Listen:

Watch:

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Show Notes:

Brene Brown on Empathy 

SGR 001: Communication that (Actually) Works 

SGR 004: How to Get Divorced - What Not To Do In Your Relationship 

Short on time? Here’s a list of today’s topics and when to listen:

  • Why we want to help our partner - 1:29

  • What message we are sending to our partner - 4:17

  • Let your partner feel their feelings - 8:43

  • Be lovingly curious - 9:37

  • Making it an authentic environment - 13:17

  • Practical Tips - 15:09

  • Get comfortable with being uncomfortable - 15:31

  • Managing your own triggering emotions - 17:01

  • Journal about your feelings - 18:20

  • Communication - 20:31

  • Meredith + Marina’s Takeaways - 26:33

Download transcript here

Disclaimer:

Silveron Productions LLC and Nassau Wellness Marriage and Family Therapy PLLC do not hold itself out to be your psychologist, psychiatrist, psychotherapist, or social worker.  Our content is provided for informational and educational purposes only and is not to be perceived or relied upon as medical or mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment.  Do not use our content in lieu of professional advice given by qualified medical and mental health care professionals and do not disregard professional medical or mental health care advice or delay seeking professional advice because of information you have received from us.  Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental disorder. If you think you may have a medical or mental health emergency, call your professional caregiver or 911 immediately.  We do not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, social workers, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned in our content.  By viewing our content, you acknowledge and agree that the following warnings and disclaimers apply to all of our content and agree to indemnify and hold Nassau Wellness and all content participants for any and all losses, injuries, and damages resulting from any and all claims that may arise from your use or misuse of the content.

By viewing our content, you further acknowledge that you are doing so voluntarily and at your own risk, and that you are solely and personally responsible for your choices, actions, and results, now and in the future. You accept full responsibility for the consequences of your use or non-use of any information provided in our content.  Nassau Wellness is not liable for any advice or information provided in our content, all of which is provided on an “as-is” basis. No warranties, either express or implied, are made regarding the information we provide, and Nassau Wellness makes no representations about the accuracy or the suitability of our content. Opinions and other statements expressed by third-parties are theirs alone. 

← SGR 010: Bringing Sexy BackSGR 008: What Men Do That Leads to an 81% Chance of Divorce →
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Disclaimer:

Silveron Productions LLC and Nassau Wellness Marriage and Family Therapy PLLC do not hold itself out to be your psychologist, psychiatrist, psychotherapist, or social worker. Our content is provided for informational and educational purposes only and is not to be perceived or relied upon as medical or mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment. Do not use our content in lieu of professional advice given by qualified medical and mental health care professionals and do not disregard professional medical or mental health care advice or delay seeking professional advice because of information you have received from us. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental disorder. If you think you may have a medical or mental health emergency, call your professional caregiver or 911 immediately. We do not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, social workers, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned in our content. By viewing our content, you acknowledge and agree that the following warnings and disclaimers apply to all of our content and agree to indemnify and hold Nassau Wellness and all content participants for any and all losses, injuries, and damages resulting from any and all claims that may arise from your use or misuse of the content.

By viewing our content, you further acknowledge that you are doing so voluntarily and at your own risk, and that you are solely and personally responsible for your choices, actions, and results, now and in the future. You accept full responsibility for the consequences of your use or non-use of any information provided in our content. Nassau Wellness is not liable for any advice or information provided in our content, all of which is provided on an “as-is” basis. No warranties, either express or implied, are made regarding the information we provide, and Nassau Wellness makes no representations about the accuracy or the suitability of our content. Opinions and other statements expressed by third-parties are theirs alone.

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