Logic versus emotion.
This topic has become super common in couples we work with. One partner in a relationship tends to be more logical and the other tends to be more emotional. One partner approaches problems with the scientific method and A+B=C and the other starts from a place of feeling and works towards a solution from there.
Is one better than the other?
We don’t think so.
The problem is when couples get stuck in a cycle of trying to convince one another to come over to their side. The “logical” partner says, “come over here, I’m explaining this so clearly - there’s no chance you won’t ultimately agree with me.” The “emotional” partner says, “I’m feeling really upset, frustrated, and not thought of. I need you to understand how I’m feeling so that we can move on.” And they continue back and forth with a script similar to this until one or both partners become so frustrated they give up.
The “logical” partner explains their perspective on the situation using facts, observations, and worldly“truths.” They’re coming from a well-intentioned place and looking to help their partner feel better. The focus is to explain why their partner doesn’t need to feel the way they do.
Unfortunately, this approach can make the “emotional” partner feel unheard, dismissed, and unimportant. It can exacerbate their negative emotions and leave them feeling invalidated and not cared about. The outcome is very far from what both partners intended.
So, what do you do instead?
First, download this week’s bonus - 5 Questions to Ask Yourself to Figure Out What Your Partner Needs (link to: LeadPage). Then, listen to this week’s episode because we’re talking all about what to do. On this episode, we’re discussing:
- Why we tend to get logical when our partner gets emotional
- Why it’s hard for our partner when we are logical and they are emotional
- How to share logic when your partner is emotional
- How to share emotion when your partner is logical
- How to communicate in an effective way - so your partner hears you
Short on time? Here’s a list of today’s topics and when to listen:
Why we tend to get logical when our partner gets emotional - 2:16
Why it’s hard for our partner when we’re logical and they’re emotional - 7:05
The best way to respond in that situation - 9:53
How to share logic when your partner is emotional - 12:04
How to share emotion with your partner - 17:43
How to get to the emotion when your partner is logical - 22:28
Marina and Meredith’s takeaways - 26:26